Over

It's hard to go through everyday now knowing that it's over. I'm on an emotional roller coaster. Some days I see the logic behind your reasoning. I understand why it can't work out. Why I'm evil to the core and I'll never change. Why the monster lies dormant ready to be reborn and recreate havoc. I understand that you can't have Dr. Jekyll without Mr. Hyde. I understand that it's difficult to bury the past and that the little things I do remind you of what I was, reinforcing the notion that I can't change that I'll eventually return to whence I came from.

There are other days I get angry, I rant and I rave, I scream and I sulk, I pace up and down, I constrict and I contract. These are the days I can't understand anything. These are the days I reminisce of the good times. These are the days I remember how I have loved you. These are the days I remember the olden days, the love letters, the songs, the poems and the foundation that our love was built upon.

Sadly, those days are over, the foundation developed cracks that never mended and slowly eroded. Then everything came crashing down. Trying to pick up the pieces and trying to rebuild for these past years proved futile. Now that its over I've lost purpose and direction. So I'll be here broken and confused...

Current Mood: I'll Be Good

"I'll Be Good"



I thought I saw the devil, this morning
Looking in the mirror, drop of rum on my tongue
With the warning to help me see myself clearer
I never meant to start a fire,
I never meant to make you bleed,
I'll be a better man today

I'll be good, I'll be good
And I'll love the world, like I should
Yeah, I'll be good, I'll be good
For all of the times that I never could.

My past has tasted bitter for years now,
So I wield an iron fist
Grace is just weakness
Or so I've been told.
I've been cold, I've been merciless
But the blood on my hands scares me to death
Maybe I'm waking up today

I'll be good, I'll be good
And I'll love the world, like I should
I'll be good, I'll be good
I'll be good, I'll be good
For all of the light that I shut out
For all of the innocent things that I've doubt
For all of the bruises that I've caused and the tears
For all of the things that I've done all these years
Yeah, for all of the sparks that I've stomped out
For all of the perfect things that I doubt

I'll be good, I'll be good
And I'll love the world, like I should
Yeah, I'll be good, I'll be good
For all of the times I never could.

Ooh oh oh
Ooh oh oh
For all of the times I never could

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/jaymesyoung/illbegood.html

Descent into madness....

The day will come when the walls will come crashing down. The fortress of my mind will be broken down, offering no protection...or containment. I fear that it will not be an attack from without but rather from within.

A day will come when I will walk the world oblivious to those around me, I may be aware of their presence but I wouldn't care. All my attention would be focused on the path I would be walking on... not really sure of where the end lies. All I know is that I can't stay here.

A day will come when the world will shut me out because I've shut it out. It would give up on me because I've given up on it. Its people would continue with their lives, as I sit somewhere slowly being concretized on the inside. Not an extra layer of protection but the removal of all things human.

A day will come when you would wish death on me, wish me into non-existence, wish I was never born. I would be looked upon with scorn and disgust, with revilement and hatred. Then eventually I would fade into the darkness...

Curret Mood: Monster

MONSTER

Ever since I could remember,

Everything inside of me,

Just wanted to fit in (oh oh oh oh)

I was never one for pretenders,

Everything I tried to be,

Just wouldn't settle in (oh oh oh oh)

If I told you what I was,

Would you turn your back on me?

And if I seem dangerous,

Would you be scared?

I get the feeling just because

Everything I touch isn't dark enough

That this problem lies in me

I'm only a man with a candle to guide me,

I'm taking a stand to escape what's inside me.

A monster, a monster,

I've turned into a monster,

A monster, a monster,

And it keeps getting stronger.

Can I clear my conscience,

If I'm different from the rest,

Do I have to run and hide? (oh oh oh oh)

I never said that I want this,

This burden came to me,

And it's made it's home inside (oh oh oh oh)

If I told you what I was,

Would you turn your back on me?

And if I seem dangerous,

Would you be scared?

I get the feeling just because,

Everything I touch isn't dark enough

That this problem lies in me

I'm only a man with a candle to guide me,

I'm taking a stand to escape what's inside me.

A monster, a monster,

I've turned into a monster,

A monster, a monster,

And it keeps getting stronger.

I'm only a man with a candle to guide me,

I'm taking a stand to escape what's inside me.

A monster, a monster,

I've turned into a monster,

A monster, a monster,

And it keeps getting stronger.

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/imaginedragons/monster.html

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_FUXmQWx2uY

Settled...

Settled...the word that means you've come to accept you have lost. You have resigned yourself to a fate that is as numb as death. There is no feeling, no pep, no pizazz, there is nothing but a blank stare. Head bowed, few words in agreement with the topic of the day. Settled...

Deep in our hearts we know that we want to fight this, to shout on top of our voices that this isn't who we are, this isn't what we were meant to be. But what were we meant to be? What was the grand design of our being? If it was this then why do our hearts say differently? If it wasn't then why do we have difficulties finding our purposes?

It seems like we are on a never ending quest, we keep searching for something better but something better is elusive. Its more than what we already have.

Some people have learnt to be contented with what they have. They become happy and appreciative and never look forward to something better and they are not disappointed. They have settled, they have accepted that this is all life has in store for them.

If I can do that then I can enjoy my state of settledness...if....only...if..