Ordinary life

If you ever had to walk a mile in his shoes, then you'd really understand what it's like to sing the blues - That was a line from the song "What It's Like" by Everlast

Many people look at me, at my car, my house, my quick elevation within the company I work for and probably think I'm working for a huge salary. I've made it big, I've hit the jackpot, I'm one of them rich ones they say.

First of all, everything I own is as a result of the blessings of God. Secondly, my wife and family all contributed to what we have so it is basically a collective blessing.

There were times in my life where I had to borrow money to survive and keep my home from being repossessed. Many times I wanted to take a day off and spend money wantonly behind frivolous things. I may have done so a few times but I've learned from the error of my ways.

It would have been nice to live a carefree life, make a set of children in the hopes that one day when I'm old, one of them will look after me. But I'm not built that way, my parents never raised be to be like that. I learned about hard work (not necessarily manual labour) in my early years and I was told to study hard to get an education.

Education is the vehicle out of poverty and I strongly believe it to be so. However, determination, application and integrity are the controls of that vehicle and ultimately the road of success will be seem to be gentle rolling plains instead of rugged mountain trails.

I write this not to boast or brag about my accomplishments, my wife is far greater than me but I write this to reflect on my ordinary life and I'm grateful for the values instilled in me by my mother and her example of working with blood sweat and tears intermingled.

My ordinary life compels me to speak out against persons who pity themselves who say they can't do better, who does not ensure their children go to school to educate themselves. My heart burns when I see them drinking for days and smoke like chimneys, money used to destroy their lives could have been spent on food for their children or books for them to go to school.

They say "one one dutty build dam" - every dollar saved and thoughtfully used can put you on the path to a better life. However, there are many who love the sad circumstances surrounding them and have no intentions of securing the future of their children.

I feel nothing for them and their apparent largeheartedness towards others, charity begins at home, make sure your children's future are secure. I pity the children of parents like these.

Ignorance is a bad thing, knowledge is power... how do you teach that to the ignorant?

Wandering mind...

The constant noise emanating out of the AC unit sounds like the roar of the ocean waves, relentlessly pounding away at the little fortress of sanity left inside of me. I imagine myself sitting on the seawall looking outwards at the waves as they come rolling towards me like clockwork. They are neither gentle or rough, their texture and demeanor lies somewhere in between those two extremes.

I have never known such middle grounds, never found the balance in life people always talk about. The people close to me have noted time and again that I'm always at the end of the bell curve, never on the curve, never in the normal range, never moderate. This can be either bad or good, they see it as bad. To me its all semantics, either I'm a genius or I'm insane, I'm either brilliant or I'm a dunce, I'm either very passive or very aggressive. Either way I lose.

The noise remains constant as the cool wind blows across my face. I could swear I heard a rumbling somewhere, it could be the traffic on the road or my mind playing tricks on me...again. The cream walls that surround me gives off the ambiance of a cold hard concrete jungle. I miss the real jungle.

My bosses seem to realize that I need some time away from the office. I are practically begging me to go into the forest to interact with the other staff, to build connection, to clear my mind, to return renewed and recharged.

My eyes are burning, probably bloodshot because of staring at the laptop screen for so long. I feel physically drained, it could be because of the diet I'm on. Perhaps not as the food is good. Perhaps its a mental issue. The body will willing but the mind is wandering.

Wandering mind, unstable thoughts, indecisive or very decisive, stubborn, feeling somewhat caged. To keep my sanity, whats left of it, I need to impose boundaries on myself. The time will come for me to fly...the time is not now...