The constant noise emanating out of the AC unit sounds like the roar of the ocean waves, relentlessly pounding away at the little fortress of sanity left inside of me. I imagine myself sitting on the seawall looking outwards at the waves as they come rolling towards me like clockwork. They are neither gentle or rough, their texture and demeanor lies somewhere in between those two extremes.
I have never known such middle grounds, never found the balance in life people always talk about. The people close to me have noted time and again that I'm always at the end of the bell curve, never on the curve, never in the normal range, never moderate. This can be either bad or good, they see it as bad. To me its all semantics, either I'm a genius or I'm insane, I'm either brilliant or I'm a dunce, I'm either very passive or very aggressive. Either way I lose.
The noise remains constant as the cool wind blows across my face. I could swear I heard a rumbling somewhere, it could be the traffic on the road or my mind playing tricks on me...again. The cream walls that surround me gives off the ambiance of a cold hard concrete jungle. I miss the real jungle.
My bosses seem to realize that I need some time away from the office. I are practically begging me to go into the forest to interact with the other staff, to build connection, to clear my mind, to return renewed and recharged.
My eyes are burning, probably bloodshot because of staring at the laptop screen for so long. I feel physically drained, it could be because of the diet I'm on. Perhaps not as the food is good. Perhaps its a mental issue. The body will willing but the mind is wandering.
Wandering mind, unstable thoughts, indecisive or very decisive, stubborn, feeling somewhat caged. To keep my sanity, whats left of it, I need to impose boundaries on myself. The time will come for me to fly...the time is not now...
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