I think

Sometimes I think about the things I've done. Then I feel sorry for the people I hurt. I feel guilty and bad about myself. I feel like it might have been better had I not been born. So I feel worthless.

I think about the people that hurt me. How horrible it made me feel. The shattered dreams, the dashed hopes, the broken heart, the damaged psyche and the impending paranoia.

Then I think about the the things the people I've hurt have done in retaliation to even the score. They say hurtful things, accuse me of things I never did. They asked me to place myself in a state of dependency then kick me because they feel I can't get up and I can't do anything.

They claim to do it because of love. That is not love. Love went a long time ago. This is pride. This is ego. This is payback. This is obsession. This is not love.

Something has to give. Someone will lose. People say cooperation is preferred, that cooperation is the best solution. That killed the spirit of compromise. Cooperation asks you to accept the other person's point of view, deep down...deep, deep down...we don't...

Why can't we just say that we don't accept what the other person is saying/doing and make a conscious decision to accept or tolerate it if it has no adverse effect on our well-being? 

I think about all these things...I think about life...I think about death...I think about my children...I think about my mother...I think about my Saviour...and I thank God for His saving grace. I thank Him for looking past my wretched self and clothing me in His righteousness. 

I am of a royal priesthood. I matter. I am not worthless. I've made mistakes but they don't define me. And that's that.