The thoughts in my head...

Sometimes I feel insecure and wonder if I've made the right decisions
Did I choose the right field of study?
Did I choose the right job? ...Or Did I settle for it for security reasons...
So many choices, so many questions, so little answers...

I often wonder what my life would have been like had I left these shores
I knew I would be fairer but that's just the vain part of me looking for something to hold on to
I wonder where I would stand on a personal level, marriage etc...
I quickly cross out these thoughts because I can not see myself being married to another person than my wife

I wonder about the dreams I had when I was small
The magical lands I would have liked to visit, Lapland...
I still wonder about the universe and life on other planets
I remember sitting in the school library reading a particular book on the subject...for hours

I think about the choices I've made and sometimes become depressed
I've lost money, I've lost friends, I've lost opportunities
I wonder why so many people expect so little from me
Perhaps it is because of the choices I've made in the past...

I think about why I'm sitting in front of the computer at 12:30 am, all alone in an empty house...
Thinking about all these things, wondering about my life...
I think about the emptiness in my heart and all the quick fixes I could or perhaps should try
I think about the consequences of even entertaining those thoughts..even for a while...

I think I over-think things and may cause unnecessary pressure on myself
I wonder if I will sleep peacefully tonight and what my dreams will consist of
I'm afraid of certain dreams but never-the-less I have to sleep..
...Do I really have to sleep... ?