Just thinking...

I thought about many things these past few weeks....

I thought about the political situation in my beloved country, the barefaced and callous people who think it is their right to decide how the state's money is spent. These private individuals who were never elected by the people, these friends of the government who are not even academically or technically qualified to govern such processes. It seems my concern for my country supersedes other areas of my life that I should give priority to.

I thought about my work place, the little United Nations where competition is stiff as ever, where brothers rise up against brothers and sometimes selfish ambitions are placed before the good of the little UN. Where many seem to be your friends but are really acquaintances with Brutus-like daggers ready and waiting to plunge the blade into the back of Julius Caesar.

I thought about my staff, overworked but defiant in their hearts to succeed and make our department the best it could be. From young to the not so young, ideas are flowing, actions are taken. If only we could now be able to document our successes and display them to our detractors.

I thought about my friends, the few that I have. What is a friend? I'm horrified that the benchmark or goal post is constantly shifting. To me a friend is a brother, sister, mother, father, grand father or grand mother to me though we don't share the same bloodline. In this case the water and blood is of the same consistency. I've seen friend treat friend worse than I would treat my enemy. Friendship is overrated.

I thought about my family, the cold war that exist. A war that originated in the very things that made the relationship work in the first place. Our unwillingness to compromise, our different views of life and where we wanted to be and what we wanted to achieve. We never wanted doormats or yes persons. We always appreciated the witty remarks and snappy comebacks. We were competitive. As time passed I guess our outlook changed. Perhaps, I've changed...

I thought about myself, why do I do things I do? Why do I hurt the people I love? Why do I push them away? Why don't I appreciate the things they do? Why does it have to reach the point where they call me selfish and ungrateful? I really don't know...

I thought about my daughter. Based on my wife's account I must be a very bad father...

I thought about God. I thought about the free gift of salvation He has given to me, an undeserving wretched man.

I thought about death...will I even be remembered...