When darkness falls

When darkness falls and all is gone
When the busy day has turned to calm
When the mental Novocaine no longer numbs
When the night-time terrors flood the background

When the dread of night creeps up so close
I can hear its heavy-breathing nose
Upon the nape of my vulnerable neck
Too scared to turn around and check

When everyone has said their goodnight
And not a soul is left in sight
When the real voices have simmered down
And the creeping shadows hit their gongs

When I can hear my heart beating in my chest
And the dread of silence stifles my breath
When my open mouth is mute
And my mind is searching for the truth

Left all alone with thoughts that confuse
Afraid of the man I came to exude
Tormented by choices that do not make sense
Destroying a future that was heaven sent

When everything is done and I close my eyes
As I lay on my bed with no one by my side
I think back to a simpler time
Before distrust and discontent eroded my mind    

Thinking........

I haven't visited this place for a long time, it seems everything in my life took precedence over my "me time". That would perhaps account for the seemingly chaotic occurrences over the past few months and my insecure feeling that I was just the passenger in the automobile hurtling down the pathway supposedly taking me towards my destiny.

....perhaps I am just a passenger. I believe that I'm shown different paths and they all have varying consequences and rewards but ultimately I would have to choose the path to traverse.....perhaps..... perhaps not......

I have not taken time to reflect on all of the recent choices I've made and how these choices affect the various individuals in my life. I thought much about the people I've hurt in the past and those who hurt me also. I've asked for forgiveness and have forgiven those who have wronged me. I didn't need them to ask. It seems I'm looking for peace or I'm tying up loose ends.....

But...I've ignored the present and the choices I've made to "correct" the past mistakes by lead to new and "greater" mistakes in the future.

So I'm here now to think. To escape into that outer worldly realm of my mind to play out the various scenarios....to peer a bit further down those paths shown to me to see or predict some of the things to expect should I choose a particular path......