Take me away, back into the clouds of euphoria, floating around without a care in the world. Music moves me, its a powerful drug, more addictive than many, many guilty pleasures. I daresay even more addictive than cocaine, sex/porn and alcohol.
It touches you on so many levels, lift you up, throws you down, gets your heart racing then lets you wind down to a gentle stop.
I love listening to songs composed in the Minor Scales, its said to be melancholic and depressing. But this is what calms me, I'm a dark person literally, perhaps I'm also dark figuratively.
I close my eyes and drift away, inhaling the deep soulful melancholic sounds, like a powerful drug, I keep coming back for more. I find my alone time here. Peaceful..
Listening to Lovestoned as I type, think of clouds as I hear the strings of a violin being tweaked, thinking of my wife, thinking of calm, thinking of my daughter....
God made music for man to enjoy, find your corner and think of His beautiful world and the many things He placed on it for you to enjoy.
Ahh...music in the minor scales...keeps me rambling on for no reason...my addiction...my drug...
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Ordinary life
If you ever had to walk a mile in his shoes, then you'd really understand what it's like to sing the blues - That was a line from the song "What It's Like" by Everlast
Many people look at me, at my car, my house, my quick elevation within the company I work for and probably think I'm working for a huge salary. I've made it big, I've hit the jackpot, I'm one of them rich ones they say.
First of all, everything I own is as a result of the blessings of God. Secondly, my wife and family all contributed to what we have so it is basically a collective blessing.
There were times in my life where I had to borrow money to survive and keep my home from being repossessed. Many times I wanted to take a day off and spend money wantonly behind frivolous things. I may have done so a few times but I've learned from the error of my ways.
It would have been nice to live a carefree life, make a set of children in the hopes that one day when I'm old, one of them will look after me. But I'm not built that way, my parents never raised be to be like that. I learned about hard work (not necessarily manual labour) in my early years and I was told to study hard to get an education.
Education is the vehicle out of poverty and I strongly believe it to be so. However, determination, application and integrity are the controls of that vehicle and ultimately the road of success will be seem to be gentle rolling plains instead of rugged mountain trails.
I write this not to boast or brag about my accomplishments, my wife is far greater than me but I write this to reflect on my ordinary life and I'm grateful for the values instilled in me by my mother and her example of working with blood sweat and tears intermingled.
My ordinary life compels me to speak out against persons who pity themselves who say they can't do better, who does not ensure their children go to school to educate themselves. My heart burns when I see them drinking for days and smoke like chimneys, money used to destroy their lives could have been spent on food for their children or books for them to go to school.
They say "one one dutty build dam" - every dollar saved and thoughtfully used can put you on the path to a better life. However, there are many who love the sad circumstances surrounding them and have no intentions of securing the future of their children.
I feel nothing for them and their apparent largeheartedness towards others, charity begins at home, make sure your children's future are secure. I pity the children of parents like these.
Ignorance is a bad thing, knowledge is power... how do you teach that to the ignorant?
Many people look at me, at my car, my house, my quick elevation within the company I work for and probably think I'm working for a huge salary. I've made it big, I've hit the jackpot, I'm one of them rich ones they say.
First of all, everything I own is as a result of the blessings of God. Secondly, my wife and family all contributed to what we have so it is basically a collective blessing.
There were times in my life where I had to borrow money to survive and keep my home from being repossessed. Many times I wanted to take a day off and spend money wantonly behind frivolous things. I may have done so a few times but I've learned from the error of my ways.
It would have been nice to live a carefree life, make a set of children in the hopes that one day when I'm old, one of them will look after me. But I'm not built that way, my parents never raised be to be like that. I learned about hard work (not necessarily manual labour) in my early years and I was told to study hard to get an education.
Education is the vehicle out of poverty and I strongly believe it to be so. However, determination, application and integrity are the controls of that vehicle and ultimately the road of success will be seem to be gentle rolling plains instead of rugged mountain trails.
I write this not to boast or brag about my accomplishments, my wife is far greater than me but I write this to reflect on my ordinary life and I'm grateful for the values instilled in me by my mother and her example of working with blood sweat and tears intermingled.
My ordinary life compels me to speak out against persons who pity themselves who say they can't do better, who does not ensure their children go to school to educate themselves. My heart burns when I see them drinking for days and smoke like chimneys, money used to destroy their lives could have been spent on food for their children or books for them to go to school.
They say "one one dutty build dam" - every dollar saved and thoughtfully used can put you on the path to a better life. However, there are many who love the sad circumstances surrounding them and have no intentions of securing the future of their children.
I feel nothing for them and their apparent largeheartedness towards others, charity begins at home, make sure your children's future are secure. I pity the children of parents like these.
Ignorance is a bad thing, knowledge is power... how do you teach that to the ignorant?
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Wandering mind...
The constant noise emanating out of the AC unit sounds like the roar of the ocean waves, relentlessly pounding away at the little fortress of sanity left inside of me. I imagine myself sitting on the seawall looking outwards at the waves as they come rolling towards me like clockwork. They are neither gentle or rough, their texture and demeanor lies somewhere in between those two extremes.
I have never known such middle grounds, never found the balance in life people always talk about. The people close to me have noted time and again that I'm always at the end of the bell curve, never on the curve, never in the normal range, never moderate. This can be either bad or good, they see it as bad. To me its all semantics, either I'm a genius or I'm insane, I'm either brilliant or I'm a dunce, I'm either very passive or very aggressive. Either way I lose.
The noise remains constant as the cool wind blows across my face. I could swear I heard a rumbling somewhere, it could be the traffic on the road or my mind playing tricks on me...again. The cream walls that surround me gives off the ambiance of a cold hard concrete jungle. I miss the real jungle.
My bosses seem to realize that I need some time away from the office. I are practically begging me to go into the forest to interact with the other staff, to build connection, to clear my mind, to return renewed and recharged.
My eyes are burning, probably bloodshot because of staring at the laptop screen for so long. I feel physically drained, it could be because of the diet I'm on. Perhaps not as the food is good. Perhaps its a mental issue. The body will willing but the mind is wandering.
Wandering mind, unstable thoughts, indecisive or very decisive, stubborn, feeling somewhat caged. To keep my sanity, whats left of it, I need to impose boundaries on myself. The time will come for me to fly...the time is not now...
I have never known such middle grounds, never found the balance in life people always talk about. The people close to me have noted time and again that I'm always at the end of the bell curve, never on the curve, never in the normal range, never moderate. This can be either bad or good, they see it as bad. To me its all semantics, either I'm a genius or I'm insane, I'm either brilliant or I'm a dunce, I'm either very passive or very aggressive. Either way I lose.
The noise remains constant as the cool wind blows across my face. I could swear I heard a rumbling somewhere, it could be the traffic on the road or my mind playing tricks on me...again. The cream walls that surround me gives off the ambiance of a cold hard concrete jungle. I miss the real jungle.
My bosses seem to realize that I need some time away from the office. I are practically begging me to go into the forest to interact with the other staff, to build connection, to clear my mind, to return renewed and recharged.
My eyes are burning, probably bloodshot because of staring at the laptop screen for so long. I feel physically drained, it could be because of the diet I'm on. Perhaps not as the food is good. Perhaps its a mental issue. The body will willing but the mind is wandering.
Wandering mind, unstable thoughts, indecisive or very decisive, stubborn, feeling somewhat caged. To keep my sanity, whats left of it, I need to impose boundaries on myself. The time will come for me to fly...the time is not now...
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
At the fork in the road.....
When you arrive at that intersection in your life where the single path branches off into three or four tracks, you often wish you could look into the future and peer through the mist to see what lies ahead in those unexplored regions. To have a chance to strategize, replicate, replay and enact the various scenarios needed to embark on the journey through one of these trails. Experiences, emotions and circumstances that have brought you to this juncture will most likely play an important role in helping you choose the path you feel is best for you to reach your destiny.
It is times like these you need to stand still, to meditate, to force your mind to project into the future, to extrapolate those trajectories into the unknown regions to illuminate the little space so you can have a glimpse of what is in store for you. Do not move, do not look back, stand still and let the trajectories recoil through you to the time of their origins, then let them push through once again, colliding with your mind and into the unexplored pathways. Do it over and over again.
Eventually you will understand which path you need to take. Another may choose a different path and call you a fool for the decisions you make but your destiny is not similar to theirs, your circumstances are not the same, your journey leads you elsewhere......
It is times like these you need to stand still, to meditate, to force your mind to project into the future, to extrapolate those trajectories into the unknown regions to illuminate the little space so you can have a glimpse of what is in store for you. Do not move, do not look back, stand still and let the trajectories recoil through you to the time of their origins, then let them push through once again, colliding with your mind and into the unexplored pathways. Do it over and over again.
Eventually you will understand which path you need to take. Another may choose a different path and call you a fool for the decisions you make but your destiny is not similar to theirs, your circumstances are not the same, your journey leads you elsewhere......
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Deception
Looks like a nice place to relax with friends....so surreal and picturesque. Appearances can be very deceiving......
Monday, March 28, 2011
Pondering.......Jar of Hearts
I was listening to the song Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri which sounds very similar to Beyonce's Halo. Because of this fact I did not pay much attention to the video except to just look at the beautiful Ms. Perri.
I've had my heart broken a few times and I guess I might have wounded a few myself. Its a kind of f!#ked up feeling, I often wondered what I did wrong to that person for them to treat me so cruel. Then you would hear - "its not you, its me"......well that doesn't really change the situation eh. You still wonder why the b!tch left.....well anyways the song has connected quite well with me......for the wrong reason.....
I'm the villain here, I broke someone's heart and I tried to make amends by contacting the person to offer my apologies and probably answered the questions I would have asked some of the young ladies who would have collected various fragments of my broken heart. Probably in this situation the person should have told me to shove it or sang this song to me...... I guess the best answer is probably the one that the young ladies gave to me - "its not you, its me".
I mean really...what right do I have to tell an exgirlfriend that I want to contact her.....the past is the past. Who knows what thoughts I might have brought up....I probably made the young lady unhappy....or angry. Probably I'm thinking too much.....probably I think too much of myself to think that I would evoke such thoughts after such a long time......
But still the haunting words linger in my mind, my thoughts, my conscience.....
I've had my heart broken a few times and I guess I might have wounded a few myself. Its a kind of f!#ked up feeling, I often wondered what I did wrong to that person for them to treat me so cruel. Then you would hear - "its not you, its me"......well that doesn't really change the situation eh. You still wonder why the b!tch left.....well anyways the song has connected quite well with me......for the wrong reason.....
I'm the villain here, I broke someone's heart and I tried to make amends by contacting the person to offer my apologies and probably answered the questions I would have asked some of the young ladies who would have collected various fragments of my broken heart. Probably in this situation the person should have told me to shove it or sang this song to me...... I guess the best answer is probably the one that the young ladies gave to me - "its not you, its me".
I mean really...what right do I have to tell an exgirlfriend that I want to contact her.....the past is the past. Who knows what thoughts I might have brought up....I probably made the young lady unhappy....or angry. Probably I'm thinking too much.....probably I think too much of myself to think that I would evoke such thoughts after such a long time......
But still the haunting words linger in my mind, my thoughts, my conscience.....
Who do you think you are
Running leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
Tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are
Sunday, March 20, 2011
The Public Masters
We all aspire for many things in life; a family, a roof over our head, a nice paying job, a fashionable car and a chance to enjoy the finer things in life. I'm no different I can't say that I'm suffering or I lack the basic necessities in life nor can I say I know what it feels like to survive on a public servant's salary.....not the ones working for the super salaries but the ordinary clerks and supervisors in most government offices.
We wonder why these people demand bribes and work in a lackadaisical manner, sometimes we cuss them under our breath as we endure some of their crass mannerisms as they arrogantly display the superficial power they hold over at that particular time we visit their office to have our needs met. They are not public servants...they are the public masters.
Afterwards, they pack up their belongings and look at the office clock to see when it will reach 16:30 hrs, most times 10 minutes would elapse then they would make a mad rush towards the exit as if just being released from prison. They hurriedly walk to catch a waiting bus or even walk to the park, some chatter, others silently thinking of the things left unfinished at home.
I sat silently observing them as they pass by, most of them appear to be smiling at the mediocre job "well done" for the day, happy at the number of persons they have managed to piss off, happy for the extra "raise" they got for slipping in a latecomer's application into the pile that has been sitting on their desks for over a day, for putting those bigshots in their place and letting them know who the bosses are.....
....but I see through them, I see the hurt in their eyes, when you look at them, they can't hold your gaze, they turn away, they cry silently for help, for a better life, for a life like the bigshots they exert their dominance over....
I watch them change from the ferocious office beasts to mellow little mice as they enter the minibuses as they think of beasts they have to face when they reach home......
We wonder why these people demand bribes and work in a lackadaisical manner, sometimes we cuss them under our breath as we endure some of their crass mannerisms as they arrogantly display the superficial power they hold over at that particular time we visit their office to have our needs met. They are not public servants...they are the public masters.
Afterwards, they pack up their belongings and look at the office clock to see when it will reach 16:30 hrs, most times 10 minutes would elapse then they would make a mad rush towards the exit as if just being released from prison. They hurriedly walk to catch a waiting bus or even walk to the park, some chatter, others silently thinking of the things left unfinished at home.
I sat silently observing them as they pass by, most of them appear to be smiling at the mediocre job "well done" for the day, happy at the number of persons they have managed to piss off, happy for the extra "raise" they got for slipping in a latecomer's application into the pile that has been sitting on their desks for over a day, for putting those bigshots in their place and letting them know who the bosses are.....
....but I see through them, I see the hurt in their eyes, when you look at them, they can't hold your gaze, they turn away, they cry silently for help, for a better life, for a life like the bigshots they exert their dominance over....
I watch them change from the ferocious office beasts to mellow little mice as they enter the minibuses as they think of beasts they have to face when they reach home......
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