Denham Express

Denham Express 

TRASH

They found me whole and appealing
Something to adorn their egos
To compliment them in the process of achieving their goals
Or simply to satiate their innate desires

I was proud
I was useful
I shone brightly
Illuminating their minds
And setting ablaze their damp thoughts

I brought color to their lives
Expanding their horizons of possibilities
I brought love
I brought affection
I brought myself
I thought that would be enough
I thought I was enough

But I was wrong
After I laid myself bare
And there was nothing left in me
There was nothing left of me
The veils began to fall
It was the final curtain call

I lost my lustre and my spark
My once bright aura has turned dark
To love became exhausting
My love needed replenishing
My world was crumbling
Life became suffocating

So I've outlived my purpose
I'm no longer illuminating
I've become dull and unappealing
And even considered revolting

They placed me in the containment of silence
Something to keep at an arm's length
Not worth the effort to fix
Not necessary to be fixed

So I'm placed by the curb where broken things go
To be removed from the sights of people I once knew
To be buried alive in the waste land of not
Not good enough to be cared for
Not good enough to be loved
Not good enough to fought for
Not good enough to be saved

Not good enough to be saved...

To...be...saved...

Memories

I sit here alone in the dark
Wondering why I'm falling apart
So many thoughts flooding my mind
Tearing me down from the inside

The Universe has conspired against me
It gave me a glimpse of a future so heavenly 
It showed me how perfect my life could be
Then slowly pushed it away from me

And now I'm left holding on to nothing 
In the sea of my thoughts I'm slowly drowning 
And the sweet memories have now turned menacing 
Oh how they mock me, I am now nothing 

Indulgence

Maybe I will never know your love 

Or be the one that you usually dream of 

Maybe your heart will never be mine

And I'll never see the look of desire in your eyes 

Maybe you're not mine to have and to hold

And I will find myself locked out in the cold

Maybe the memories we make won't last 

And I find myself a prisoner of the past

Maybe I'm not good enough to be your man

God knows I really tried to be a better man

Maybe it isn't written in the stars

Maybe it's fate to have a heart full of scars

Maybe you'll think of me once in a while 

The unfortunate soul who loved you out of time

And maybe that would make you smile 

To know that you're loved beyond the barriers of time 

Kamikaze

 Maybe I'm not worthy of your love

Maybe your scars weren't meant to dissolve

Maybe I'm not worthy of your time

Maybe they had to dull your shine

The cracks in your armour have left you vulnerable

The shattering of your heart has left you full of anger

They treated so well but all left in the end

It makes you wonder if it was something you did or said

Consume me in your anger and mould me with your hate

Pour me over your broken pieces and make yourself whole again 

Break me with your words and strip me to the core

Use me to undo all the damages done to your soul

When you've had your fill and your satisfaction is complete 

Maybe then you will create a little space in your heart for me

Broken

 Broken!

Strong, independent woman who's not afraid to pursue her dreams

Selfish!

Because she dares to practice selflove and states her wants and her needs 

Bitch!

Because she called you out on your bullshit, your inadequacies and your uselessness

Demanding!

Because she expects you to walk beside her, to be a man, and to give it your very best

Ugly!

Because she exposes the wickedness of your heart, the filth in your mind, the emptiness in your soul

Broken!

Strong, independent woman, has broken the yoke of society's hypocritical lore and your claim to her soul 

Incomplete

I was relentless in the beginning
It was so intense
I didn't care about the consequences
I just needed to get my fix
I placed you on a pedestal
I wrapped you in my ideals
But you are only human
Not the goddess I thought you should be

Ether

Takes me to another world

My Old Pain

My Bed

They said that you must lie on the bed you make
You have to face the consequences of the actions you take
It's Karma at its best, taking you through the test
And for some of us...we will never rest

They say it can be a bed of roses
Maybe it could be a bed of boards
How about a bed of stand stone
Or in my case...a bed of nails

So I can not lie on this bed that I have made
I think it's too much and I think it's unfair
After all, the decisions were not all mine to make
So why should the consequence be mine alone to bear

They say it's one bed you make
But it's not one decision that brought you here
Neither do all decisions lead to the same place
Is it bed or beds or is it all the same

Maybe it's one bed with many layers
Reflecting both the good and bad choices made
Some layers are like feathers, while others like nails
While some are like water, they leave you gasping for air

So I lie here on the bed of my actions
Remembering my past mistakes
Unable to move a muscle
As I slowly suffocate...

I Know

Weed

Maybe you are the consequence of my past actions

The debt owed for my indiscretions

There was no forgiveness of sin

The price had to be paid, and from within

You were a bridge I should have burned

The one lesson I should have learned 

But I hoped against hope that this would last

Forgetting that I was a prisoner of the past

I should have known that you were out of my league

I should have remembered the curse of my reality

The one that will haunt me eternally

That you are the flower and I am the weed

"Saturn"

I'll Be Good

yep...sharing again

Atlantis

In The Moonlight...

The moon caressed your skin as you stood there gazing into the ocean

The wind howled as it danced with your hair 

It brought me your aroma as it released you from its hold

I breathed you in deeply, closing my eyes, as I lost myself in your fragrance

I can feel you drawing closer as the air shifted to accommodate your presence

Your silhouette coming into focus but I haven't opened my eyes

I can hear you speak but you haven't uttered a word

I can feel your kiss upon my lips but you haven't touched me yet 

Now I lie awake in the aftermath of it all

Wondering how you had survived the fall

I still think of our tumultuous time

When I was yours and you were mine 

I never wanted to push you away

I didn't know there was another way

I wish I could have held you for a little while longer

I wish I could have been a little more stronger

But in the end what is done can not be undone

There's no returning to the place where we once were

The writing was placed on the wall

Now there's no time for a last call

The flower and the weed

I look for you among the meandering crowd

Among the nameless, faceless, directionless flood

Yet you are not there, then again why would you be?

A precious flower would not dwell with weeds

But here I am within that same crowd

Dare to dream that I'm worthy of your love

Wondering how I could escape this hold

This mindset of mediocre goals

So I look for you on some lonely path

Knowing that they're yours to chart

Moving  away from the maddening crowd

The silence of our ignorance so astonishingly loud

I  look for you but you're not there

How can my Princess just disappear?

Why can't I find you, the one whom I seek?

Why do you elude me like a restful night' sleep?

But you have seen me from a far way off

You silently watch me navigate the crowd

As I struggled to escape the all consuming flood

As I call out to you not knowing where to turn

Then after all is said and done

Reality has rocked the foundation of love

How could the universe allow this travesty

Where a flower would actually love a weed

For The Princess Surreal

In the dead of the night when the monsters are asleep 

When the dew drops on the roof seem muffled and weak 

When the night insects around me silence themselves 

And the coldness engulfs me casting its spell

I lay prostrate in the darkness mimicking the night 

A calmness on the outside but a cold turmoil inside 

I want to gaze upon your angelic face 

And kiss your lips full of wonders and grace

My mind is tormented because you are not here 

The dreams have departed and now my soul is laid bare 

I call out to you hoping the dreams would reappear 

I need you within me I need you like air

The Princess Surreal

You were supposed to be my escape
The one in my dreams when realities alternate
An angelic face with a captivating mind
A treasure crafted by the Divine

Eventually you crossed a forbidden line
And reconfigured the thought processes in my mind
Now I think about you all the time
And I think I'm losing my mind

So here's to you girl of my dreams
I found myself in places I've never been
Visited enchanted kingdoms that were never real
To catch a glimpse of the Princess Surreal

The little things

Maybe it's the little things you say
Or perhaps the little things you do
The slight change in your demeanor
The faint smile across your lips
Hmmm it could be the way you move your hips...

The flickering of a broken bulb
The awkward silence when we're alone
The broken heart that has gone numb
The shattered trust of the kindest soul
The epitaph of a love grown cold...

Things are not what they used to be
What we had are now faded memories
These little changes have opened my eyes to see
This is the end of my reality
A monument of a tragedy....