Deception

Looks like a nice place to relax with friends....so surreal and picturesque. Appearances can be very deceiving......

Pondering.......Jar of Hearts

I was listening to the song Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri which sounds very similar to Beyonce's Halo. Because of this fact I did not pay much attention to the video except to just look at the beautiful Ms. Perri.

I've had my heart broken a few times and I guess I might have wounded a few myself. Its a kind of f!#ked up feeling, I often wondered what I did wrong to that person for them to treat me so cruel. Then you would hear - "its not you, its me"......well that doesn't really change the situation eh. You still wonder why the b!tch left.....well anyways the song has connected quite well with me......for the wrong reason.....

I'm the villain here, I broke someone's heart and I tried to make amends by contacting the person to offer my apologies and probably answered the questions I would have asked some of the young ladies who would have collected various fragments of my broken heart. Probably in this situation the person should have told me to shove it or sang this song to me...... I guess the best answer is probably the one that the young ladies gave to me - "its not you, its me".

I mean really...what right do I have to tell an exgirlfriend that I want to contact her.....the past is the past. Who knows what thoughts I might have brought up....I probably made the young lady unhappy....or angry. Probably I'm thinking too much.....probably I think too much of myself to think that I would evoke such thoughts after such a long time......

But still the haunting words linger in my mind, my thoughts, my conscience.....

Who do you think you are

Running leaving scars

Collecting your jar of hearts

Tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold

From the ice inside your soul

So don't come back for me

Who do you think you are

The Public Masters

We all aspire for many things in life; a family, a roof over our head, a nice paying job, a fashionable car and a chance to enjoy the finer things in life. I'm no different I can't say that I'm suffering or I lack the basic necessities in life nor can I say I know what it feels like to survive on a public servant's salary.....not the ones working for the super salaries but the ordinary clerks and supervisors in most government offices.

We wonder why these people demand bribes and work in a lackadaisical manner, sometimes we cuss them under our breath as we endure some of their crass mannerisms as they arrogantly display the superficial power they hold over at that particular time we visit their office to have our needs met. They are not public servants...they are the public masters.

Afterwards, they pack up their belongings and look at the office clock to see when it will reach 16:30 hrs, most times 10 minutes would elapse then they would make a mad rush towards the exit as if just being released from prison. They hurriedly walk to catch a waiting bus or even walk to the park, some chatter, others silently thinking of the things left unfinished at home.

I sat silently observing them as they pass by, most of them appear to be smiling at the mediocre job "well done" for the day, happy at the number of persons they have managed to piss off, happy for the extra "raise" they got for slipping in a latecomer's application into the pile that has been sitting on their desks for over a day, for putting those bigshots in their place and letting them know who the bosses are.....

....but I see through them, I see the hurt in their eyes, when you look at them, they can't hold your gaze, they turn away, they cry silently for help, for a better life, for a life like the bigshots they exert their dominance over....

I watch them change from the ferocious office beasts to mellow little mice as they enter the minibuses as they think of beasts they have to face when they reach home......

Floating on Cloud 9

It is not often that I get to soar with the eagles, get off the ground and truly clear my mind. It is refreshing to have a different perspective to the situations that affect or impact on your life, your dreams.... your being. Being in a noisy aircraft, with the constant whirring monotonous sound that created my throbbing headache half an hour before, seemed to fade into the background as I concentrated on the white landscape before me. My thoughts crossed my mind, pleasant thoughts, warm thoughts, thoughts of fantasy lands, fairy tales and hope filled my mind for those few minutes we floated through these clouds. All the while, the song Kiss From A Rose by Seal seemed to be emanating from the whirring of the plane engines........but did you know, that when it snows, my eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen........

Velvet Revolution????

It seems everyone in Guyana is in overdrive as general elections kick into high gear. The PPP, PNC, AFC, other groups and individuals are stating their cases in the various sections of the media. They can be seen in newspapers; in the editorials, the letters from supposedly real persons, articles and even comic strips, on television and on the internet also. I guess the radio station is quiet because that is government controlled.

Many blogs dig deep for information on their enemies, cars bought in 1990 are being questioned now, homes are being photographed and displayed in the media. These types of antics will increase as elections day approaches; politics is indeed a dirty game. In most cases the one that is least covered in dirt emerges as the victor; this is also subjective as the actions of politicians are interpreted differently by the various heterogeneous groups that coexist in Guyana.

........................................................................................................

At this point in my life I could care less with the state of affairs in Guyana, however, I will vote that day but it doesn't matter. Either ways the PPP will win the next elections regardless of whether they play fair .....or not.

So I will continue in my introspection, turn my nose up at the velvet revolution, forget about the Guylines that I never experienced and forget about who stole billions of dollars from the treasury.

I will work hard so that I can provide food for my family, thank God for the many mercies granted to me and live to see another day.

It is not my fight to fight, it is not my road to walk, it is not my line to "toe", it is not my burden to bear. To those of you who intend to be drawn in to this false concept that we need a velvet revolution, good luck and I bid you farewell.

Linkin Park - Burning In The Skies (International Video)

One of the new songs on Linkin Park's A Thousand Suns.

This song grew on me, its haunting chorus is infectious. I'm partial to minor melancholic melodies so this one takes me to another place.

My daughter was ill for a few days and the haunting chorus made me pray to God to heal her.

"So don't apologise, I'm losing what I don't deserve"

I know I'm not the best father...or husband or anything...but I wouldn't want to lose my baby girl even if I don't deserve her. Thats why I prayed.....because God, through His grace and mercy gave her to me. I can not demand, I can only beg and plead with Him.....

Linkin Park - "Leave Out All The Rest"

I feel very connected to this song. The words, the beat, the instruments and the minor undertones take me to another place. It makes me realise that there are cracks in my shell and the people I love and am supposed to protect are not confident in my ability to deliver when I'm called to do so.

As depressing as it is, knowing how far one has fallen can motivate that person to redeem himself......